to XXX :D

I've every intention to post this on behalf of an individual with an eventful and productive life thus far. =)

But heck, I was clearly forbidden to meddle with it, even in words. Boo!

Yes, I do envy what you've gone through ONLY because I don't have to go through it myself.

All the torture, all the sweat, all the worms...how beautiful life can be? =D

Oh, not forgetting the constant unexpected violence that you've to bear with as nothing more than a real bad joke.

lmao!

ok lah...as much as I want to elaborate more explicitly, I'll still keep my promise. :)

dilemma

A few months ago, I'd have given anything to be taken even the slightest notice by them.

And now, they finally did.

I didn't screw up anything after all. So much for the excessive worries and anxiety prior to the call :)

Undeniably an occasion to be celebrated, yes.

I mean, it would be one IF I'm informed about it a tad later, a few days maybe?

What supposedly should be a blessing turned into an inevitable HUGE dilemma.

My options are typically expectable, either

YES

or

simply NO.

How about yes now,

but no later?

Really, who are you to ascertain their true intentions?

What's with all the internal connections or links that you seemed privy to?

You questioned about equality? Oh c'mon, that's banal!

Why get so frustrated when they failed to fulfil whatever you already had in mine?

And began denouncing how terrible their policy is when just a few months ago, you literally went gaga over the offer.

Talk about sour grapes.

Title:My Repulsive Habit

I've a repulsive habit.



You know that inevitable urge that engulfs you that later prompts a desperate hunt for any snacks which subsequently leads you to yet another inevitable binge that often without fail, creates a guilty aftermath? The guilt evaporates surprisingly quick enough for everytime you begin to think of ways of vanquishing that crazy fetish, you would most probably be doing it with a chocolate bar in your hands.

The gluttony is almost like a seasonal good friend which you just can't simply ignore without causing yourself inadvertent deprivation (in this case, food). Once after its visit, you usually feel thoroughly satisfied and contented, normally with a little guiltiness throbbing hard against your psyche. After one day, when the fact that you've successfully given yourself in that urge finally sinks in, the miserable wallow begins. You'll most probably start questioning yourself for failing to resist the fatal temptation. You often get no answers. That's when you'll decide to put the blame on those helpless-looking food which you'd succumbed to in the first place. You just won't blame your fat-self for losing control over snacks or that enormous appetite of yours that allows you to devour six sate and quaffed a glass of water filled to the brim with three doughnuts on their ways to your gut. And also never would you say NO to anything that spells DESSERT i.e cakes, pastries, ice-creams and some other sinful delights.

Well, that's practically all about the repulsive habit that I had unfortunately cultivated.

Of confessions...

I hate it when I have to blog secretly i.e minimize the damn window when some one's within the perimeter.

I hate being so freakin' discreet about it when I know so well that its anonymity won't stay long.

I hate abandoning my blog for more than one day.

I hate to struggle with a new post.

I hate the thought of NOT making it public.





I hate myself for being a coward.

Let the words be unspoken

Dear ***, I'm good but others were better.

Okay, maybe only a tad better if that contents you or gives the impression that I'm already there, well... almost.

You frightened me with your infeasible high expectations of me and I'm sorry that none found their ways to the reality. Just let this rest for good and anticipate something that's more likely to occur in my life...something that's parallel to what I really yearned for rather than those sought after hypes. You just can't claim something ONLY because I seemed like the one most appropriate (to you). AND do start believing that there really IS something that I can't achieve.


(digression)


"...don't go altering god's creation...like what MJ did..."

LOL!!

I like how she was being subtly opinionated during the discussion. Yes, she hit it. Fancy taking MJ to state her points aloud while I sat there, evidently wondering what MJ did in his past life that must have perturbed or offended her so deeply. C'mon, he's as dead as possible! There's no need to harp on about this anymore!

But then again, she was considerably polite and respectful with our choices. That must have refrained her frivolous urge to begin elaborating her strong beliefs which should be, particularly against MJ himself more than him meddling with God's work.

She's simply suggesting and meant no harm...maybe...

Feel my optimistic vibes? :)



Another good question : What had i learnt?

From my perspective, without adhering to some sort of standard rules of what to and not to say?



You wouldn't want to know, trust me.

Gotta let this out...

Damn you @$#%%# for failing me successively!

Urghh...so much for being meticulously diligent in revealing my personal information etc. to you bunch of useless biased gits! Next time, just state CLEARLY in the criteria what you're TRULY (evidently) looking for and stop giving pathetic false hopes to those who are under the impression that they deserve that damn thing more than anyone else!

Oh, so envisaging those would-be-crestfallen looks is what you people actually find humour in to compensate for those long dreadful hours with your asses stuck to the chair, doing an utterly tedious elimination. Really,what lives do you people live in?

Don't tell me about incompleteness and other nonsense when there's nothing I could have possibly missed out. How can that even happen when I did equally the same thing for others, and not get REJECTED instantly?

Don't even question about my qualification. For that first round, I think I'd already offered too much - more than what's required, at least.

Don't talk about luck, this OBVIOUSLY has got nothing to do with luck. It's more like a deliberate act to recruit only those that you already had in mind, regardless their unsuitabilities (as may perceived by others).

NOW,what makes you think that I don't stand a the chance when theoretically, I should have?

I'm not boasting how eligible I'm for this, NO, but still, two times successively?

Call me a pessimist or a snobbish good-for-nothing sore loser, but you wasted my TIME and HOPE!

One night found me...

With a sudden surge of inspiration... I'm here! =)

Why, you may ask.



Why not?




p.s: I hate to know if this is even going to last for one miserable day.