when i'm bored, i find rant.

I'm becoming more predictable day by day.

Or rather, my life is.


*peeling orange*



and i hate to be predictable. :(



How predictable can i be?

Let's see...

I wake up every morning and dash to the kitchen to have breakfast. Dunno why, stomach growls promptly every morning. wtf.

Breakfast's predictable too - unsweetened oatmeal + home-made bread.

Seriously, it was a mistake of mum to have finally taken the effort to improve her culinary skills. Her bread, not your ordinary white bread, especially, is ridiculously addictive. I'm often (not often, but ALWAYS) high on it together with sis.

Since it's a home-made bread and it's baked at home, we get to cut it into slices according to our PREFERRED thickness and no one can make a remark about it.

Sis was suspicious that mum put drugs into the dough, thus the absurd addiction we are all suffering from.

I mean, it's only a freaking loaf of bread...and how's addiction likely to happen?

So after the very satisfying breakfast, I'll do what a typical jobless person would do-i FB. =.=

I'm not much of a regular fb-er. Yea..i log in everyday more than once to poke my nose into people's affair.

Apart from that, I do nothing. I don't update my status every 5 seconds telling where i am or greeting the world good morning or goodnight as if anyone would care, I don't write on peoples' wall for no apparent reason, and neither do i chat through individual wall posts, which seems to be like a favoured trend now. And i wonder what's the exclusive chat box for. -.-

Oh, I also don't take stupid quizzes about how i'm going to die (i did that once but was never convinced) or play retarded games eg farmville whereby i need to request wood(?) from some other loaded farmville-ers (seriously i'm clueless how this game works) or send gifts to friends so that i could unlock some shit or do some personality test to know what letter my lover's name starts with.

Seriously, fb's full of frivolous shit.

So basically, I only browse through photos, comment on statuses, update my status for a reason, and view profiles. And upload photos. And find friends. And with that itself, everyone's business's my business.

What? That's the purpose of Fb what...you inadvertently know everyone's business whether you like it or not. Yes i can choose to ignore. But if it's deemed personal, then why even bother to post it and let everyone see when you know humans are generally inquisitive in nature?

That's what we call sheer stupidity and foolishness.

Wha..You claimed that you're unlike the rest, you're not nosy? Then why even create an account? Just to admire your very own profile with your picture at the corner?


Talking about pictures, I can't help but feel disgusted of those people who create an album solely for themselves usually entitled "me", "only me", " it's me!^^ " etc.

I mean, it's alright to have various pictures of yourself in different situations. Yea..for profile pic yadda yadda.

However, some find it necessary to take every angle of herself/himself, particularly the face (or head) part, under the same condition, with the same clothes on, with the same sickening look, AND THEN dedicate an album wholly to those self-absorbed shots.

And what's more annoying, "supportive" friends from all around the world, be they really friends, stalkers, or some discreet preverts will not let those camwhoring efforts go to waste by simply LIKING the damn album or give corny comments.

After all, you need enough guts to actually upload those ickily stagnant-looking photos. That must be why there are some kind people out there who actually "like" them - i bet they're only awed for you have such tremendous guts and inspiration to expose EVERY ANGLE of your goddam face, with the same goddam expression of course, in a social networking website, of all places.

Imagine assuming the same pose WITHOUT moving or even twitching for about one minute, anyone would suffer from cramps.

And now imagine a goddam face with the same goddam expression to be maintained for...i dunno...as long as it takes for even the tiniest angle of the face to be captured. The hand plays an important role here; it has to constantly move at every degree possible.
And what do you get?

The album " ^^ ME ^^ " .

Seriously, won't those severe camwhores get facial cramps? Or at least, get SICK of their hideous pouts or eyes that are enlarged to the extend that they might pop out of their sockets at any moment?

I forgot, most camwhores have unquestionable vanities. Camwhores who take sickening shots of themselves in toilets (mostly with the typical stand-in-front-of-mirror pose), fitting rooms (even more common, they get to wear that dress for free)...as long as there's sufficient space to hold the camera/hanphone at arm length, and then later upload them for the perusal of others, TO BE PRECISE.

Having said all that, I've to clarify my prejudice. I've nothing against those who love snapping self-shots IF those pics are solely for self experimentation and observation.

Now, what the heck do i mean?

It's alright if you take gazillion pics which exhibit your face and nothing else but it IF you do the honour of keeping them to yourself.

It's ok if you take those pics for reasons like..well let's just say, to get to know more meticulously of the best angles to enhance your best features.

It's understandable if you camwhore like hell because you wanna see how you physically change over the years, especially your look. (whether you become uglier or prettier, but everyone would obviously convince herself/himself of the latter)

It's fine to take many pics of yourself simply because you've some kind of excessive-self-admiration thingy going on in you and you just gotta take stupendous amount of pics so that you could ogle at the immovable stagnant yourself later.(why not consider a mirror anyway?)

BUT

to reveal slutty/act cute-ish/sickening/lame/boring/corny/tacky/retarded/dowdy/etc pics of yourself to the whole world is totally not OK. Even if you're more perfect than edward cullen himself...it's still gross to show others your (very often) obscene photos.

Just keep them to yourself lah. No one would appreciate the vainness more than you do. Like i said, you're not edward cullen (and edward cullen doesn't exist, sorry brats!). You're only..urmm... superficial bella? (as in, someone whom nobody would give a damn)


As if all those repulsive pics aren't enough because as you scroll down the page, you will be greeted by a list of incomprehensible comments.

It usually begins on a lazy morning with A suddenly coming across a picture that catches her/his attention due to its explicitness.

"very pretty jor, nice ^^ " (seriously..wtf with the ^^ ? )

The owner will normally deny first. What to do,very malu mah. So must act all humble first although evidently she (normally it's a she) knows (thought) that she looks freakin' good and like she needs anyone to remind her. She's high on compliments so she says:

" nola..fat jor..very ugly la :("

Then, A will try to convince the owner that she really looks nice. I actually cannot believe that A would fall for her subtle trap to fish for MORE compliments.

" where got o...if you fat then i wat? > < " (seriously... > < ????)

The owner, quite enjoying herself now, is assured that A's compliment deserves a second thought. But the owner isn't going to just give in so easily...she needs A to state what the owner has in mind already. Damn the owner.

" haha..ya meh...but see the face..round round de.."

A, being totally oblivious to the owner's true intention, is shocked that the owner could see the roundness. So she scrutinizes the pic in discussion and then realises how wrong the owner is with herself. Because A doesn't want the owner to harm herself through extreme starvation, she finds it her responsibility to say :

"aiyooo...u so skinny liao.. not round la..like that only cute ma ^^ " (now, how convincing is that? )

The owner doesn't want the conversation (apparently, the commenting somehow turns into a conversation, albeit a seemingly pointless one)to end just like that coz she wouldn't have anything else better to do for the rest of the day if she stops right there.

"not cute lor..very fat ah....if i let my bi bi to see u say i cute...he will sure laugh de..XD" (who the eff is BI BI?!)

A gets the notion that BI BI must be the bf. Utterly shocked , she says:

"har...really he say that? No lah..he joking nia..you so cute ^.^"

"ya lor...thts why my babi (gosh wtf? babi now??) will laugh de if he see u say i cute and pretty ...XD"

"haha ^^ "

So that's how the conversation will normally end with A finally speechless and could only muster the final "haha".

See why i'm so bloody frustrated? The whole thing is pointless and stupid!
And it all started from that camwhore pic!

Gosh.

Btw...this convo is based on a true story that i came across in fb. The real one's more sucky obviously.

Due to the fact that i just can't imitate them no matter how hard i try, i'd only managed to remember those important parts and highlights...though none of them suggest any significance or worse, SENSE, at all -.-




Oh, i was too bored. And i had the sudden urge to blog about this.
No offence intended.

random contempt

My eyes are freakin' tired! T__T

I'm not complaining though, partly because Ashton Kutcher was hot hOT HOT in Killers! His abs were absolutely worth dying for and he's oh so handsome! Anyone would definitely fall for that husky sexy french accent that he'd spoken with in the beginning itself, which made him an even more lovable hunk. His smile...omggg so cuteee! I nearly fainted whenever his lips curled into that charming smile... with an inexplicable intensity in his eyes. His eyes, yes his eyes... they were equally GORGEOUS and all too desirable!! Ashton Kutcher is just too perfect and I'm gonna be his future wife one day and then we will ...

GOSH this is SOOOO VERY TYPICAL -.-

I bet the girls behind us would have written those stuff X10000000 better than my feeble attempt.

What gives me the notion?

Throughout the 1 hr ++ movie, they hardly shut up and kept aww-ing and laughing(stupidly) or making incomprehensible sounds whenever ashton kutcher appeared on the screen.

That's why.

Suddenly Ashton Kutcher's gorgeousness was so infectious that making a remark out of everything he said/did (even when he was randomly walking to the beach) seemed to be of the utmost priority when nobody, i repeat, NOBODY else gave the slightest damn about the ashton kutcherness. And you think they (including me)would rather listen to the bunch of ambitious girls' consistent ashton kutcher gibberish instead?

Seriously...wtf? You think you juveniles are the only ones watching now? Or paid for the tickets at STUDENT PRICE that made you all OK to produce sounds (noise) as you like as though your granddad owns the cinema? Stupid brats.

Finally getting the chance to watch some real semi naked hot guy under the hot sun all ready to scuba dive in PUBLIC eh JUST BECAUSE the movie's rated PG 13 and you are gonna be 13 years and 1 month old next month? Gee HOW ADORABLE -.-. Wtf.

Look around...this ain't no private home video. You just can't go gaga over some hot actor so LOUDLY and PRONOUNCED, if you get what i mean. Just keep your immature infatuation to yourself lah for heaven's sake.

You like people laughing at you is it? Or think that you're some spoilt brat whose mama and papa say is ok to EXPRESS your emotions/opinions/outcries LOUDLY whenever you feel like it because you're daddy's and mummy's precious little girl.

Stupid brats, really. Go watch twilight or something la. You should fit in too perfectly with your clans there.

"Ohmygodd...EDWARD CULLEN'S SO HAWTTTTT!!" *gasps...faints* =.= ! Brats.


If being able to comment on ashton kutcher's hotness makes you look all mature and cool, an A-lister, in your new cool gang that you've just joined yesterday,then do it consistently (silently of course) so that your superficial coolness is not busted.

Don't suddenly go "yerr..her friend so bad lah.." in the most childish/whiny manner. Then no more cool lah! What's more, you'll make your ohsocool friends crinkle their noses as though you stink. THAT'S totally NOT COOL.

Seriously, i have no idea what's wrong with kids nowadays. Young teenagers aged below 18 (coz i'm 18 myself, and like hell i would contradict myself :P) to be precise.

While we were queuing, i overheard these two girls (obviously some brats)conversation and kinda hinted at them that HEYYY BRATS I'M LISTENING MIND LOWERING YOUR VOLUME?? It went something like this.

*CONVERSATION TO BE SPOKEN WITH A TYPICAL AMERICAN TEENAGE ACCENT*


Girl A : So your friends in school use this kind of purse too? *stares with disgust at the not so cool purse*

Girl B : Err..not really. They use.... Roxy. (i bet she was struggling to come up with a cool brand)

Girl A : Oh...*continues staring at shabby purse with disgust*

Girl B : And they don't keep receipts too. (now how cool is that?)


I seriously don't get the whole point of this conversation. No wonder i was so mad at the ashton kutcher girls during the movie. I was already pissed off by these two brats way before the show!

I awed myself sometimes, i don't need to know somebody to hate him/her. Take those girls for example. It's an utterly random contempt.




Unrelated note- Mine has the most adorable smile :)

unrelated notes

I can't seem to give a title to a new post whenever i'm blogging one. The title's given for completion sake and it often suggests nothing about the post at all. I always thought that it's the content that matters most.

Titles can be misleading. They create false hopes which usually lead to disappointment later.


*sudden mind block suddenly*


Sis asked a very good question when i sent her the link of my blog for the very first time (i finally revealed the humble existence of my blog and warned her to keep her opinions to herself :P).

Despite being only two strides apart (she was just behind me with her laptop as our barrier), she found it necessary to im me. Cannot talk one.

"Why all/only words?"

Well spotted.

"...but i don't believe a picture speaks a thousand words. I never knew what Picasso was drawing all this while anyway..."

I almost wanted to add that I was also often confused whether Mona Lisa was actually smiling/smirking/grinning/blushing/constipating/etc as to defend myself for not having any pictures posted. But I don't see that my point made any sense.

She gave an exasperated reply (whatever!) and left the room.

Lol...as much as I expect pictures whenever I'm reading something, i can't help not obliging to post some when I myself happened to be the creator of that particular something.

Because pictures are or can be (usually are) as misleading as ornate titles, i thought.

Gosh i'm contradicting myself. Fine fine, just assume that I'm just too lazy and uninspired to post pictures.

Or maybe, my photography skills suck that I can't bear to have the photos taken by yours truly to be seen anywhere.

Or rather, my mediocre skills aren't exactly mediocre, i just need a simple DSLR to bring out the effects of what good photos should have. Hear that mum dad... :DDD

Stupid gadgets and stuff. Stupid iPhone 4G for existing. Stupid Apple. Stupid Steve Jobs. Stupid.... They make me lose my mind -.-

Ah, I'll get one in UK because they ought to cost less in overseas, or so i was told.

Wait till I'm granted with the right amount of $$. =D


On a totally unrelated note,

How i wish that somebody would ask me what I intended to tell so that I don't have to begin first. Some things are too hard to express without certain triggers you know.


On another related note,

I'm freakin' skeptical. Because i suck at reading minds and studying attitudes, I assume that everyone has their own unseen/unknown intentions be it evil or good.

See, i even typed EVIL before GOOD because i somehow always see flaws in a first impression. And i find first impressions to be VERY IMPORTANT.

I just can't go against my conscience and convince myself that everyone is naturally, good-natured. That way, I'm somehow mentally armed.

Not being pessimistic about mankind, just being realistic. :)

I've no idea where i got that from. Maybe everyone is. Talk about human nature.


Another unrelated note,

Intuition seldom works for me. Blame the not-being-able-to-read-minds thingy again.
But I still love believing in mine no matter how erratic it can be.

Or maybe, i just love to be believe in what i wanted to believe.

See?? I'm always the one making all the judgements regardless of any circumstances. I can be really biased and choose to ignore certain things deemed terrible by others just because my mind thinks otherwise.

The same thing applies to things deemed perfect/good by others. I would only find them superficial.


Another one,

I don't really have a checklist to ascertain people. As long as we get along well with each other, infeasible checklists are totally unnecessary. What i would need is time, time and time to familiarize myself with somebody because i learn through observations, not by the rules (rules too rigid).

And it usually takes heck of a long time to convince myself about something/someone. Can't help, blame the skeptical me again.


Final unrelated note thus far,

I'm awfully shy although i look hardly like one :)

i missed...

Since there are approximately 23 more days before my college commences, i thought blogging beats rotting on the couch. Obviously -.-

what to do what to do WHAT TO DO?!

I'd definitely choose to return to those nostalgic schooling days (heck, like i have any more chances) where I was preoccupied the whole time with god knows what. There was always something that made me busy or at least, made me feel busy, I couldn't tell.

Screw exams, school's lifeless if exams were to reserve too much attention. BUT, i really do miss the euphoria and sense of satisfaction whenever i scored well, be it by chance or by hard work (usually it's by chance :D) No I'm not bragging...but... wth, i really scored well in my exams what :P

i thanked god and i'm thanking god now and will definitely do it again everyday for all the great things that happened/will happen to me :)

Now I realised, everything actually works like a chain reaction. I worked my ass off in f5, got good results, and subsequently secured a scholarship.

Very predictable because initially, i began everything with sheer hard work that only made the consequences possible.

ok, THAT only applies to common folks aka me. Geniuses of every kind defy the whole theory. They don't really need to torment their brain cells to come up with a solution. They only have to sit in one dark corner, close their eyes, and dream (no offence at all, this statement is said with pure awe) So freakin' unfair. Lol. But then again, god is fair. Geniuses have flaws too although they often did a very bad job at revealing them. ;)


School life has always been fun. I missed school. I missed life (life's currently uneventful due to the fact that new life's not occuring yet) Suddenly...

i missed the mischief i committed in class together with friends.

i missed asking annoying questions that pissed off teachers.

i missed the unpronounced rivalry in class.

i missed the moments of eating under the desks.

i missed the times we convinced teachers to give us a break after every 10 mins.

i missed the sight of heads stubbornly stuck to the table during lessons.

i missed feeling guilty for not completing homework which subsided quickly enough.

i missed the hand gestures/facial expressions/body language when a sucky person is in the vicinity.

i missed the optimism of not winning in the competition we took part ; we just wanted to see how it went.

i missed walking from class to class as i wished just because i wore a tie and looked very important indeed.

i missed being subtly serious and stern during important meetings in which i would just turn behind and laugh my head off at any second.

i missed scoring high marks but yet, still unconvinced that luck's not involved.

i missed discussing answers right after exams and howled pitifully when i got wrong.

i missed making fun of my partner.

i missed telling people off simply because i felt obligated to do so.

i missed singing in class and got teased by friends, who eventually joined me.

i missed being hypocritical just to please certain people.

i missed advising people about certain stuff that i won't even do it myself - i said it only because it sounded right and other people would agree too anyway.

i missed wearing my uniform that fitted perfectly, as in with the most limited space.

i missed standing during assembly while everyone got to sit; my butt never got wet.

i missed witnessing some teachers' most embarassing moments by accident.

i missed offering help to do something simply because i wanted to escape from others.

i just missed school lah.

too bored...

Boredom's chewing me to bits...i'm freakin' bored BOred BORED!


ARGHHHHH!


What the hell was i thinking last year after spm? *i actually looked forward to doing nothing for half a year then...what a goddam fool*


Yea, i taught in a kindergarten (no, i didn't teach, i was unqualified to teach kids singing all TOO CHEERFUL songs and colouring drawings of fruits -.-) And i successfully went through hell for 5 days. FIVE DAYS, which were about 18x lesser than the days i'm supposed to work for. Or more like the days they would need me before chucking me.


Nobody can comment about the duration that i'd worked for.

If you were meagerly paid with 450 buck a month INCLUDING over time (what the hell, i only agreed on helping out during the morning session, not the daycare session as well which ends at 6.30 pm EVERYDAY) you know right away you gotta STOP this job. Comparatively, if i were to work till 6.30pm, the decent amount ought to be at least 600 +.


I mean, i should have been paid more for the extra hours helping kids to bathe and then feed them while they fidget indifferently. OR better still, RELEASE me once my work's done.


I hate that expression they gave me everytime i stood at one corner, all ready to go home. If i'd guessed correctly, it should convey something like "WTH, why are you standing there? We hire you to deal with these bloody hyperactive kids coz we sucked so much that we can't manage them ourselves. We don't give a bloody damn even though we know you're underpaid. Wanna blame someone? Blame yourself for being a complete noob in this kindergarten thingie and just to let you know, YES, we love to push the dirty job to you because it's about time you all-too-excited-noob taste what we've been through before finally being able to give you the hell we had."


I'd rather think that THAT came from the fat lady who warned kids not to BULLY ME. wtf? She made me so feeble and useless among the kids. And she wouldn't admit that the kids LOVE me better than her, that's why they behaved mischievously whenever i'm around. I'm not as rigid as that scary-looking fat ass who roars after all :D


And because i was a teacher's assistant and i'm supposed to do nothing but to assist in whatever i should be assisting in, that bitch made full use of my presence drying the wet spots on the floor, fetching stuff for her, tending to kids with undesirable actions AND saving the best parts for herself e.g eating the kid's food.


REALLY, she convinced the kid that she would help him unseal the packet of junk food, and AFTER doing so, she ate some of it right in front of the helplessly looking kid, with the most righteous look, like WHAT? I OPENED FOR YOU WHAT. AND TOO MUCH JUNK'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU. Like it's any better for your fat ass.


Okay, i particularly despised that fat lady. Others were tolerable. Even that lady who served food was kind and friendly to me :)

The supervisor was really nice too (she was the one who made my job application successful. Job application indeed.) She was really understanding when I told her sheepishly that i wanna quit on the 5th day itself. My initial excuse was lame- i'd driving lessons to attend in the morning twice a week.

I appreciate the fact that she actually appreciated my help throughout the 5 days. She tried her best, i repeat, tried HER BEST to alter my working hours to 3 days a week instead of 5 (any days i claimed to have no lessons) WITH the same pay simply to suit to my convenience. How thoughtful! I felt guilty for causing all the troubles that inadvertently troubled her.


If the fat lady was the supervisor, i wouldn't even get past through the kindergarten gate, let alone getting the job.


As we discussed even more (with my real supervisor lah of course), i unconsciously revealed that the whole kindergarten environment was the real reason for my resignation. I confessed that YEA, I SUCK AT HANDLING KIDS. THEY'RE REALLY CUTE WHEN IT'S PLAYTIME, BUT THEY'RE TERRIBLE MONSTERS MOST OF THE TIME. I didn't say so matter-of-factly, but everthing was well hinted :D


My lovely supervisor kinda comforted (i felt comforted at least) , saying how dealing with kids is all about patience and experience. She totally understood how i'm not used to handling kids, 3-4 years old kids mind you. I couldn't agree more. But then again, i'm no expert myself in taking care of myself , let alone other individuals. (i'm not useless, just being frank :P)


So after having her finally convinced that i'm the least suitable person to take up the assistant job and that she should just let me go instead of allowing me to create more problems, we bade farewell and i silently swore to myself that i won't simply go looking for temporary jobs from now on-i hate to be a nuisance giving false hopes to myself and others :)


All the kids were asleep when i left. I really missed them then, but no so much now. what do you expect, i came in like an alien (the first day was full of curious faces) and left like a thief (as in, no announcement was made *and no mess was left behind too*..and i doubt the kids would understand even if one was really made anyway)


i kinda missed the teachers there too all except one. Yeap, the humongous bitch who takes pleasure in stealing food from innocent kids :D




Because boredom's really murdering me, i've decided to share this :)

to XXX :D

I've every intention to post this on behalf of an individual with an eventful and productive life thus far. =)

But heck, I was clearly forbidden to meddle with it, even in words. Boo!

Yes, I do envy what you've gone through ONLY because I don't have to go through it myself.

All the torture, all the sweat, all the worms...how beautiful life can be? =D

Oh, not forgetting the constant unexpected violence that you've to bear with as nothing more than a real bad joke.

lmao!

ok lah...as much as I want to elaborate more explicitly, I'll still keep my promise. :)

dilemma

A few months ago, I'd have given anything to be taken even the slightest notice by them.

And now, they finally did.

I didn't screw up anything after all. So much for the excessive worries and anxiety prior to the call :)

Undeniably an occasion to be celebrated, yes.

I mean, it would be one IF I'm informed about it a tad later, a few days maybe?

What supposedly should be a blessing turned into an inevitable HUGE dilemma.

My options are typically expectable, either

YES

or

simply NO.

How about yes now,

but no later?

Really, who are you to ascertain their true intentions?

What's with all the internal connections or links that you seemed privy to?

You questioned about equality? Oh c'mon, that's banal!

Why get so frustrated when they failed to fulfil whatever you already had in mine?

And began denouncing how terrible their policy is when just a few months ago, you literally went gaga over the offer.

Talk about sour grapes.